Advice of the Fallen
by littledemonpixie
Summary: Can the words of the fallen lead the way to moving on?RoyRiza
1. Barracks and Terrors

**Advice of the Fallen**

**By:** Comm. Butler

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of it's characters but if I did I know one thing for sure that I would change…

**Author's Note:** Here is my first real serious story that I have written in the Anime section. This picks up where the episode Words of Farewell left off, so yes it's going to be sad, but despite that this is a Roy/Riza fic that I hope you will enjoy even though it lacks the usual humor of my other stories. I'm just not in the mood to write anything too happy right now.

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"It's going to rain today." Roy stated looking skyward from under the brim of his hat.

"Yes it is." Riza came and stood next to him at the foot of Hughes graves. They stood there for what seemed like hours when clouds began to drift in on the creeping wind that surrounded Roy and Riza as they stood on the hilltop.

"Sir…"

"Hmmm."

"I think we had better go." She carefully linked her arm through his as a sign of comfort. To her surprise he didn't start yelling or shrug her off.

"Right. Hughes will want his…"

"Of course…" Hawkeye paused when Roy's other hand came to rest on top of hers on his arm

"Come on. You'll freeze if you don't get some pants back on." Roy tried to laugh but it came out a strangled bark. He felt Hawkeye sigh and they walked back to his car. They had driven together since that was how they usually traveled. The two of them had gotten rid of their apartments so they would be staying in the military barracks, in the officer's quarters.

The drive was silent, the two of them too grieved to speak and too officer like to break down and sob. It was the worst service they ever had to attend. Of all the ones even after Ishbal, this was by far the worst. Roy couldn't see beyond the fact that Hughes had somehow abandoned him and left him even though he promised. The last words he had said to him were so harsh. Why was he so inconsiderate, Hughes was just having a little fun. Roy gripped the wheel tighter and looked over at Hawkeye. She was huddled against the window staring out of it but not seeing anything. Roy wanted to stop the car and take her in his arms and tell her it would be alright, but he knew that she was stronger then that. Stronger then even him probably. He couldn't function as an officer without her.

Riza could feel Mustang's heavy gaze upon her and she turned to look at him. They held onto that look as if for dear life and then Riza whispered,

"The light is green sir."

"Right." Mustang turned his attention back to the road and Riza looked back out of the window. What she had seen in Mustang's eyes she never wanted to see again. They were the beginnings of tears. She wanted more then anything to reach across and rest her hand on the side of his face and just let him know that she was there for him and not just has his subordinate, she wanted to be his everything. Her hand came halfway to his cheek when he turned off the car and opened the door.

"Welcome back to Central, Lieutenant."

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Riza still sat there in her seat until Mustang came around and opened her door for her. Normally she wouldn't have stood for it but today she just didn't have the energy. She stepped out and Mustang closed the door behind her. A light rain had begun to fall as they walked into the barracks side by side. They didn't pass too many people and the few that they did were all junior officers who saluted and upon seeing the black sashes draped on them knew instantly where they had been. They came to the end of the hall and turned towards the mess still clad in the uniforms from the funeral. Mustang's hand hovered over the small of Hawkeye's back, not touching it but just in case.

They both sat at the far end of the mess with their dinners in front of them, not eating but more of just pushing it around the plate. They ignored all the noise around them and finally Roy spoke so softly that Riza had to lean in close to hear him.

"Lieutenant…"

"Hmm." She looked up hopefully. Roy shook his head.

"Nothing." He waited for a minute or two and started again.

"Hawkeye… are you…"

"Yes?"

"Are you… going to eat that?" He finished quickly. He couldn't make his lips form the words they wanted to. Hawkeye looked at him and continued to jab at her food and then slamming her fork down shoved the plate at him.

"Here!" She snapped and stood abruptly. Roy looked taken aback.

"What? Just eat it sir! I can't! Not, not… how can you just go around like nothing… what if… what if it was… you're a damn idiot sir!" Hawkeye choked out something else incoherent and then stormed off, her heels echoing off the walls of the mess in the silence of the surrounding officers. Roy slammed his fist on the table and then pushing his chair back he walked out after her.

"Lieutenant! Wait! What is… SHIT!" Riza's door to her quarters slammed on his fingers and he let out a gasp of pain as he pulled them out.

"GO AWAY!" Riza sobbed through the door and Roy obeyed and walked to the male officer's quarters down the hall. Whereupon he entered his own room and slamming the door began ripping off his uniform. He tore the black sash and then with a snap of his fingers he burned it into ash. The rest came off with only a few buttons missing. He was being careless. Clad only in his boxers he flopped down on the bed and shut his eyes to block out the dim light.

Riza began ripping off her uniform. She yanked the black sash off and grabbing her gun from the small table and shot half of a clip through it before it hit the ground. It was a good thing that she still had rubber bullets and a silencer or else there would have been a lot of damage. The rest of her uniform came off with only a few buttons missing. She was being careless. Clad only in a slip and underwear she flopped down on her bed and closed her eyes to block out the dim light.

Roy lay there thinking about the recent events, Ed, Al, the Furhur, Riza, Hughes, Alicia and Grace.

Grace, he'd almost forgotten about her, and Alicia, what were they feeling? Confusion, frustration, anger, bitter sadness or grief? He had seen how Grace had reacted at the burial, seeing everything and Riza he knew he never wanted to see any of it again. Mustang realized with a pain in his heart that Riza would look like Grace did someday, somewhere down the road, she'd get married to someone in the military probably and then have to stand in front of a grave while dirt was piled on her true love. The one person she'd opened and shared her heart and love with.

He never wanted to see that day, he didn't want to see her leave him, he knew that and he knew he loved her, but what if he wound up like Hughes? No he couldn't tell her what he so desperately wanted to, the risks were too many and too possible. It was better this way, officer and subordinate. They would make it past this and would continue to work together in companionable silence.

Roy shook his head getting up and headed into his bathroom for a shower. He need to cool his head and quickly too. As he walked past the small table in the room he saw his gun lying on the table. His fingers brushed across it and then he wrenched his hand back. He needed that shower and he needed it now.

Riza had fallen into a fitful sleep. A dream drifted slowly into her head…

She was looking through a black mesh veil of some kind, at a grassy patch on a hill. She realized she was on the same hill where Hughes was buried. She turned to her left a little and saw the slightly worn grave of Maes Hughes. What was going on? She could see several people standing in uniforms around her. Then she heard them. The men walking slowly their feet making swishes in the grass, the six of them bringing a coffin to the hole before her. She watched in her peripheral vision as they came up beside her. She couldn't stop her hand from reaching out and brushing the side of the coffin and her heart filled with dread.

_She watched as the coffin was lowered into the hole and just as a shovel full of dirt thudded on the coffin something tugged on her hand. She looked down to see a miniature version of Mustang dressed in a little black suit and tugging on her hand._

"_Mommy? Mommy? Who are they and why are they burying Daddy?"_

"_What?"_

"_Who are THEY? They can't bury Daddy! He's the Furhur! He has to work!" The boy protested tugged on her hand harder. Hawkeye stood there frozen and then before she could stop herself she had the little boy in her arms and was saying to him,_

"_Shhh, He's gone little solider. He's gone…" She felt the tears in her eyes and then suddenly her view switched and she was standing away from the pit where the coffin was buried, surveying the funeral from a fair distance. Riza saw as the woman who was her, clinging tightly to the protesting little boy. The hole was almost a third filled now. Riza turned back to the boy who was claiming that if Daddy didn't wake up then he couldn't show him the flame trick. That instant Riza knew, she knew who was being piled under the dirt. Mustang… Roy… no she couldn't let it happen this way! She had to stop them! Dashing forward she attempted to shove one of the diggers away but her hands passed right through them. She immediately without thinking jumped into the pit and the sensation of falling hit her._

_She never hit the hard lacquered finish of the coffin but kept falling and a voice filtered to her. It was Roy._

"_Riza get back! Look away, cover your ears! Something!"_

"_ROY!" Riza screamed as the falling and darkness consumed her. This couldn't have been Roy's death this was something else. Roy's voice returned pleading._

"_Riza… please don't stop me…I have to do… it. I can't…"_

"RRRROOOOYYY!" Riza shot bolt upright panting and screaming. She had to get to Roy; she had to get to him before… before… no she had to get to him. Jumping up she dashed to her door and after fumbling with the lock threw it open and ran skidding down the hall. She slid to a halt in front of Roy's door and banged on it sharply. She heard no reply so she banged harder and shouted,

"COLONEL!" She slammed her fist into the door over and over, ignoring the increasing pain. She could hear the rain pounding on the window at the end of the hall. That nor or the several people coming out of their quarters to stare stopped her. She shouted again,

"ROY! YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! ROOOY… DON'T…"

**BANNNNGGGGG**

The sound reverberated through the halls and Riza let out a shrill scream of terror and grief as she slammed her fist to the door once more and then collapsing against it slid down the surface taking the blood from her fists with her where she sat in a heap on the floor in a dead faint.


	2. Rain Drops Keep Fallin'

AN: Here is part two for you guys! Keep sending me reivews and I'll write more, but I'm also out of ideas for this and I had only intended it to be a couple of chapters, but if I get a really good idea... well I may add just one more.

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TWO

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" Roy burst out of his quarters and about tripped over a dazed Riza who had come to and was sitting with her back against the door. She rotated slowly on the spot and then as fast as she could she got to her feet and threw herself at Roy. He stepped back to balance himself as he held her off the ground tightly.

"Oh, Roy… Roy… it was horrible… oh God you're alright… oh don't… oh Roy, my Roy…" Riza gasped, looking up at him with tear stained eyes filled with shock and relief as her hands ran over his face quickly as if checking to make sure he was real. Roy held her even closer as she muttered and rocked her gently, he didn't know what else to do. He had no clue why she was so terrified; she was too tough to be afraid of anything, except… no that couldn't be it.

"Lieutenant… Hawkeye… RIZA! Calm down! You're shaking like an earthquake, and you're covered in sweat not to mention… just come inside alright." Roy didn't continue based on the several half dressed officers standing in the hall. He pulled her inside and closing the door and locking it he let go of Riza. She still clung to him like if she let go he would disappear. He pried her gently off of him; it was starting to hurt, and guided her to sit on the bed. Roy sat next to her before he spoke.

"Talk to me Hawkeye. What's got you so frightened? Is it Scar? Is it Edward and Alphonze?" To each of his questions Riza shook her head in the negative. Then she brought a shaking hand to run through his hair.

"You're… all wet… were you out in the rain?" She sniffled.

"No I just got out of the shower, I think there's still soap in it but when I heard that scream, which I assume was you I got out as fast as I could. Wait! You're avoiding the subject. Damn it, tell me what is going on Lieutenant!" He demanded standing up and putting his hand's on his hips. Riza turned away and shook her head.

"It's nothing sir."

"You screaming at my door, and when I open it latching onto me like a child and sobbing, whimpering, and shaking isn't nothing! You aren't leaving until you tell me!" Roy grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him and then kneeled in front of her. Riza took a deep breath.

"I know that it shouldn't have, but I was so scared… I was afraid… and then heard…" Riza looked over her shoulder and away from him.

"Hawkeye! You're not making any sense! Snap out of it!" Roy's hands were on either side of her trembling face and forcing her to look at him. Riza closed her eyes and then spoke softly.

"No, it's nothing, nothing at all. I just got carried away." Roy resisted the strong urge to slap Riza, but he knew that if he raised his hand he could never get it that far, so he sighed.

"Why don't you start from the beginning? What did you do when you walked into your quarters?"

"I took off my uniform and shot the sash to nothing."

"Okay, then what did you do?"

"I laid down and fell asleep."

"Alright, so you fell asleep did you have a dream?"

"Yes."

"What did you see?" Roy was starting to lose his patience now. Riza had started to shake a little again.

"I was at a funeral, it was just like at Hughes, but, but it wasn't Hughes."

"Who was it?"

"There was a little boy. He called me 'mommy'. He protested and said that… show him something new." Riza's head was in her hands so Roy didn't hear who it was.

"Who was it? Riza you have think like an officer now!"

"Then I jumped into the burial pit and I heard you, pleading telling me to look away from something and not to stop you… I woke up. I know about Ishbal and then…"

"Slow down! Okay so are you saying that I was the one who was dead?"

"Uh huh." Riza's eyes were misting over. She looked around and then stood up suddenly and walked over to his table and picked the gun up off of it's polished surface. Roy stood and came to her.

"I see. This is what you were afraid of? That I might…"

"Did you?"

"No."

"You're lying sir! I know you are!"

"Fine! Yes I did, but I didn't! Look at me Riza! I'm standing right here! I couldn't do it! I couldn't ever do it! Maybe I'm too much of a damn coward or…" Roy grabbed the gun and flung it out of her hands to where it bounced off the wall and clattered to the floor.

"Or?" She questioned coming a step closer to him, so they were only inches apart.

"Or, maybe I couldn't stand to know that if I did it you would look like Grace did today."

"What do you mean by that?"

"She looked like her whole world fell apart, like there was nothing for her to hold onto except for Alicia and you don't have… I just didn't ever want to see it, but I just did." Roy couldn't stop the sobs that overcame him and he grabbed Riza and pulled her to him so tightly. So tightly it was like she would just blend into him.

"I love you Riza, I can't let you suffer like that, I wouldn't be able to stand it. Call me selfish, call me…"

"Roy, sir…" Riza gasped and wiggled away from him a little. She placed a hand on the side of his face.

"I love you Roy… I don't care what you are, I love you always." Roy leaned his forehead down to rest on Riza's.

"This can't change a thing, you know that. It would hurt too much."

"I know. It won't change… a single thing." Riza kissed him softly. Roy wasn't surprised and he didn't flinch. He welcomed it, he wanted this so badly. He needed her warm lips on his to comfort him, to show him that there was something left in the world to live for other then being Furhur. Riza was that something, Mustang confirmed as he deepened the kiss. Riza felt Mustang's hands slide under her slip and she reached back and stopped them from going any further. She pulled back, even though she didn't want to. She wanted more of this, but it didn't fit it wasn't right, not this soon.

"Riza…" Roy groaned.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I don't want this to be a mistake. We're both too vulnerable now."

"Hmm. You don't have to do a single thing, I'll…" Roy nuzzled her neck and she shrugged him off and walked over to sit on the edge of his bed with her arms crossed across her chest. Roy just stood there looking down at her unsure of what to do.

"I understand, we can't get carried away, so I'll get out of this towel, I think that will help a lot." Mustang backed into the bathroom and closed the door tightly. Hawkeye fell back on the bed with a groan.

Who was she kidding? There was no way in hell this could be a mistake! She was so stupid around him sometimes and definitely too careless. She scooted up and grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it tightly. It was so wonderful to know that Roy was all right and loved her. For the first time she had been truly scared even though dreams weren't real, it was so real to her and then when she had heard the thunder… Riza let out an involuntary shiver at the thought.

Mustang walked out to see Hawkeye curled up in the center of his bed clutching a pillow. He stood at the foot of the bed and waited for her to acknowledge him and finally after five minutes she did.

"You know you said it would rain today, and it still is. When I heard that thunder when I was at your door do you know what I thought it was?"

"A gun shot."

"Correct Colonel."

"Well I am a high ranking officer."

"I'm glad to see you're back to normal and the skirt chaser as always."

"You don't wear a skirt." Mustang tried to lighten the mood and to his surprise Hawkeye smiled a little and laughed.

"I don't. You remember that." She stopped laughing and sat silently, Mustang offered suddenly.

"Uh, I'll just sleep on the couch here if you want me to. I won't move I…" He stopped, when Riza grabbed his hand and pulled him down on the bed, next to her. She moved his hands to encircle her waist and she snuggled up next to him.

"Stay right here. The whole night, right here and don't leave me ever not for a second, we'll never be alone, never."

"Of course Lieutenant. It will just keep raining and we'll stay right here."

"Roy? What did Hughes say to you on the phone at East that made you so angry?"

"He said when I got to Central I'd need an ally someone I could trust and find myself a good wife. I didn't realize what he was suggesting until now."

"And what was he suggesting?"

"I need a) an ally, b) someone I trust, and c) a good wife. I think I just found her." Roy kissed the top of her head and then reaching over he turned off the bedside lamp and the two lay in the darkness listening to the rain.


End file.
